Well honestly, i started this whole blog just because of my fan girling to saab magalona 😂😂 gusto ko talaga magpaka conyo at dahil idol ko si saab gusto ko maging blogger kasi feeling ko nakakaganda pero medyo hindi naman pala haha. But that was just before, kasi simula nung ginawa ko to, nag eend up ako doing blogs for God, nagiging tool ko siya to share my thought and mga feeling ko gusto ko i-impart kung may small group ako . I am not even promoting my blogs, i am always thinking na mababasa na lang to ng mga loved ones ko when im gone. di ako writer, at hindi rin ako blogger specialist or whatever, pero pag nagbl-blog ako gumagaan pakiramdam ko, yung mga teachings, sharing na di ko na sshare sa mga tao, nash-share ko dito. thank you sa gumawa ng blogspot. at libre :)
okay, bakit nga ba parang ang complicated ng topic ko ngayon. sino nga ba naman ang makakasagot sa tanong na "Why God loves me?" bakit nga ba tayong sobrang love ni God? di ko ma-assure na matatapos ang blog na to na masasagot ang tanong na yan, kasi tanong ko nga din yan e. :) pero by God's grace susubukan ko siya ibahagi based on revelation ni God sa akin, i Pray that makapag release ako life through this.
how God's working in my life, How generous and faithful God is para masabi kong GOD LOVES ME? ano nga ba ang sagot? hmm..
dati nung bata ako, masasabi ko lang na love ako or blessed ako pag may magandang nangyayari sa akin. especially pag nagra-grant ang "wish" ko. pero nung tumatanda ako nagkakaroon na ko ng ibat ibang klase ng problema na di naman kalakihan pero pag nafe-feel ko na di ko kaya, or kung may hihingiin ako kay God na hindi niya binigay, naiisip ko hindi ako mahal ni God. im sure kayo din, one point in your life naisip niyo na di kayo mahal ni God or nasabi niyo na din ang salitang "Ang daya mo naman Lord", "ang unfair mo God" or biglang napaisip ka na sa salitang "baka nga hndi naman talaga totoo si God". honestly speaking i even decided to commit suicide when i was in high school. (pero super funny ng suicide story ko tinatawanan ko nalang siya talaga ngayon).
I commit an epic suicide when i was 16. reasons? nakalimutan ko na. feeling ko dati ang dami dami na to the point na deserved ko na tapusin, at gusto ko na lagpasan. feeling ko ako na ang pinaka maraming problema sa mundo. break up, failure sa school, disappointment ako sa family, i was being bullied in school (my school before VCMC), i was felt alone. Pero now pag tinatanong ako kung bakit ko nagawanf magsuicide sobrang natatawa nalang ako. seriously, dahil sa lahat ng yun gusto ko tapusin lahat? Ayy grabe Praise God, He rescued me! I continue living this what we called "Life" daming ups and downs, get into depressions, worries in life. But God is really preparing me for something new, He wanted to introduce his true self to me, He even use my school who provides christian living subject, a pastor that we can visit downstairs, my classmates who shares Jesus Christ and who always invited us in church. i just accept them but im not actually letting them in.
Because, i was blinded in truth. Alam kong may God, my god who punish me when i get wrong, god na pag sobrang saya mo babawiin niya ng lungkot after, god na pag di ako nag church for the whole week mamalasin ako buong week, god who requires me to have an ash every ash wednesday, god who requires me to sacrifice so that i can get what i want. god na hindi ko sure kung naririnig ako kaya need ko ng help ng ibang saints. god who can do all things pero sa ibang part na to Ako lang dapat. god na yearly pinapako sa cross tuwing holyweek. god na patay kapag holy friday.
But God intently want me to have a personal relationship with Him. when i was in college, He used my "nanay debbie" who happened to be my orgmate and dormate as well.. she invited me to attend a Christian church near our school, and i joined her. It was really different. I saw people who are all on fire singing praises, and worshipping while their hands up, some of them are emotionally touching their heart. I never felt that it was weird, i got goosebumps actually. Then, i close my eyes and let that presence filled me, then i cried (i never felt that before). But that journey was not easy at all, i was being eaten by worries of the world, i want to know Him more but i am busy in worldly things and concerns, and again I accept it but im not letting it in.
My sister-in law invited me and my cousins to attend a "Encounter with Christ" with ACCF. That day was special. They are guiding us in knowing Christ through bible and testimonies, i learned what really the Cross means, and what really Christ did for me.. Literal ang masasabi ko lang "Busog na busog ako sa teaching About Grace" that time. I seek the Lord, Then for the last day I accepted and Let Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. And i believe Jesus sent me the Holy spirit. I was really on fire, i started speaking in tongues, i was crying. That Day i felt that God really wanted me to know Him, and God really wanted to show me that HE LOVES ME THAT MUCH! And that day changes everything. I get so excited going to church, to learn the bible, to hear the grace all over, to share the gospel to others.
Then and now is not a perfect walk for me, i failed many times but God always lifted me up. Now that God reveal himself to me, i am deeply more inlove with Him. I am not a worrier of the world anymore, i am a conqueror. His unending grace and love from that cross is one perfect proof that He loves me so much. He loves me so much na He send so many people and ways para magkaroon ako ng personal relationship with Him, He wants to reveal himself to me, He wanted to send the Holy spirit to me so magkaroon ako ng guidance in knowing him. He loves me so much na gusto niya maging dependent ako sa kanya, He loves me so much na gusto niya akong kausap lagi. He loves me kaya He provides everything. He loves me that much na kahit nasasaktan ko siya He still there always waiting for me to comeback. His love never fails. His love gives life.
Now "Why God loves me?" I am not perfect, i sinned against Him, i failed Him. Lord why do you love me? I didn't do anything for you. How could you love someone like me Lord? When you called me i was devastated, miserable, i am no use at all. Then why do you love me God? Its not because of good works, not at all. I really dont know, ang alam ko lang i am ill-deserved with that Love, but i will embrace it, Because that Love gives life.
We are loved by God, and its a matter of accepting or denying it. Kung alam niyo kung bakit tayo Love ni God share niyo din sa akin ah :)
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